Week 3 Day 3 Exercisin and Updates

Hey world, so I want to first apologize for slacking off on my posts this past week or so. I have been going through some difficult stuff and I wasn't in a great place emotionally or physically. One of my largest issues that I have had throughout my life, is that when I am upset, stressed, hurt, mad, excited, etc. I enter into a pattern of self loathing and lethargy and I begin to eat away my feelings until I am numb.

Well, I am proud to say that first: Yes, I entered my depressed, self loathing, lethargy mode. But no, I did not eat my feelings. I did some sabotage of my self though. For most of the week I did hardly any of my exercising. I made excuses, ignored my goals, and worked through my issues. However, I did not sink to my usual methods and allow myself to eat away my feelings. While I did eat a few items not intended for my diet, I stayed right around my calorie intake goal each day. I did not want to ruin my work; I just needed some me time to feel worth it all again.

But inevitably, because of slacking off and not staying super strict on food groups, this Mondays weigh and measure did not go well (which gave me one more day of stress, self inflicted though it may be). Yet, I refuse to let it beat me. I haven't fallen off the deep end, I just dipped my toe in the water for a minute to remind myself what I don't want. I don't want to be fat, tired, miserable, unhealthy, lazy, jiggly, sore and sad. I want to be me. I want to be skinny, energetic, happy, healthy, full of life, firm, serine and happy. That is the person inside of me. That is the person who deserves to enjoy playing with her kids and going on adventures with her husband.

So I got off my butt yesterday and I got back on the wagon. No, everything in my personal life is not all better. But I know that with a better outlook on myself and a better attitude toward what life has to offer me, it will be.

Which brings us to today. I have been dreading tonight since last week. Today is day 1 of week 3 of my couch to 5k program and the running segments take a giant leap. They double in length of time I have to run at one time. Needless to say, I was freaking out. I honestly believed that I couldn't do it. I told my husband as I started out tonight to not give me a hard time if I had to give up and walk during a run segment. Then we set out.

I asked him to please just talk to me as a I walked and exercised. I challenged him to become a chatterbox (see we are all growing and learning new things, lol). He did great. Up to now I have been counting my strides so that I remembered to breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. Well he had me listening to him and interested in what he was saying. I forgot to count. I just ran. Each time the machine told me to run, I did it. And then, an amazing thing happened, the app on my phone said, "Slow to an easy pace to start cool down". That's right, I Made It! I actually looked over at my husband (he was riding his bike alongside me) and said " Holy crap, I did it, I'm actually done".

It was honestly over before I realized how much time had passed. I am so excited and stoked that I did it. I didn't think I could, but I did. I know that I Am Worth It! If I just stick to my goals and work through my trials, I know I will make it to the end of my goal. I am so lucky for all the wonderful people who egg me on, keep me going and remind me that I can make it. Thank you for the motivation you give me and the friendships we share.

TTFN,

Jenn